2024年5月9日 星期四

66. Oh my soul! Why are you downcast and disturbed within me?

 

Discipleship Training School DTS Graduation Dinner


Sister Wilson horses

When you see this theme, you must think of Psalm 42:5 and 11, which represent my state of mood at that time—downcast and disturbed.

The Youth With A Mission Disciple Training School sent us to Russia, only to find out how difficult it was to get along with our brothers and sisters in the United States and sisters in New Zealand. When we were performing at school, they wanted me to stand in the front, in front out of the stage, or in the last row, and no one could see me, and I would like to be blocked by these young and beautiful girls who were taller than me. But they didn't want to be my friends, because they said, "I'm not the real person, because I don't give out my temper." Don't forget, I've only lived in New Zealand for over a year, I have the essence and elegance of Chinese culture, and I don't like to argue or quarrel with people. The only people who treated me well were the England sister, who were the team leader, and the New Zealand brother Mark, our short mission team leader, everyone liked her, but Mark often went to the beach with me and yelled so that all my stress and grievances could be released.

At that time, I was not very good at singing English songs, because it was too difficult to memorize the lyrics, and I couldn't act in a skit, only I was assigned to give testimony every time, and my testimony was different every time, because I was placed after the skit, and every time I testified with the skit was different, I spent a lot of time writing testimonies, and when I testified, I used cheat sheets to testify, because I couldn't use English 24 hours a day, my mind was often overused, and the night was my quietest time. Because I couldn't think of English, and I couldn't speak English.

When I came back from Russia and got my discipleship certificate, Sister Wilson picked me up and lived with her on the farm left by her father, and I stayed for three months, and I was very unhappy, depressed and irritable. Sister Wilson had a box of biscuits, I would always eat biscuits, because my heart was very empty, I ate a lot, because of my conscience, I walk 30 minutes to the nearest store, bought a lot of biscuits, and walked back to the farm, put back into the biscuit box, so that my heart could be at peace.

One day, I went to the orchard to pick apples, and I walked for thirty minutes to the orchard, and I filled two buckets of apples, and as I walked, a group of horses stole the apples I had picked, and my apple buckets became lighter and lighter, and I turned around and saw the horses eating apples, and I was very angry, and I dropped the buckets and cried and said, "You bad horses, stealing my apples, like the DTS girls, even you (the horses) are going to bully me, my heart hurts!" And I sat down on the land, and began to weep bitterly, and wept and rebuked, and I could not do anything when the horses had eaten all the apples? After a long time, I took up two empty buckets, and went back to the house, and all my sorrows, grievances, and irritations, were taken away by God, and God had His timetable, and He set me free, and so did you.

Like the last three verses of Psalm 42:5 and 11, “Look to God, for He helps me with a smile, and I will praise Him.” For the descendants of the psalmist Korah have found the answer and put our faith in the Lord, who is the answer to all we have, and He will save us, in His time.

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