15. Mama, “Do not hit me”

Disciple Training School Staffs and

Students

DTS Foreign Roommates

Before the age of 12, I had lived each day with afraid of life and fear, and I thought today how many times was my mother beating me? I did not know how to please her to like me as same as my younger brother? As I was born, my face was saying "hit me!" “Why does she always beat me?” The end I did not know where I was wrong?

At that time, I know how to detect the face of color, and I saw my mother a bad mood with her face, I would hide in the closet or under the bed. And so her face was getting better, and then I would come out to play. Therefore I always thought it was my fault, it must be a big mistake on me, but I did not know what was I going wrong? Maybe was I an adopted daughter on TV in the drama?

When I Grew up to ten years old, I watched cartoons on TV, Donald ran away from his home, it went to its biological parents, its shoulders carried a burden to lug with a stick; I acted as this drama. But I did not go far away; my mother had called back and said; “I am her own daughter.” It seemed to draw everything with the full stop, but my heart had those questions, it would never ever have answers for the end.

Until I was thirty-one years old and I lived in Christchurch in New Zealand and I had studied with Youth With a Mission for Discipleship Training School. One female speaker of the inner healing, then she prayed to God for me, I had suddenly been shouting; "Mom! I am not wrong, why do you hit me?" This was the question for over many years, I could not bear guilt and Jesus has released me. At that time, I was crying and crying, Lord Jesus, “you come and save me.” This inner healing speaker frightened, and had been repeatedly said; "You have done nothing wrong!"

 
The fact, I was twenty-nine years old, my mother was due to lung cancer which grew in the lines of her body.  If I have released a little earlier, then my mom would have gone with more peaceful heart.