5. Death

      

     The Bible says: 『O death, where is your sting? O death, where is thy victory? 』(Hosea 13:14; 1 Corinthians 15:55) I was a child. I am   fear of death and darkness.

First experience: a sense of fear of death is a plastic Donald Duck, when the people squeeze its body, it will make a sound, and I used a blue ballpoint pen to draw eyes on  Donald Duck, it had painted face with a lot of blue color, then my mother thought that it was too dirty and she threw it away. And she   told me: "It died." At that time, I felt unspeakable sadness and fear of death, the fear of death to any person who is around me or leave me, and he or she gradually disappeared in the world.

Since then, I had not even thought of the darkness from the dead, so I'm afraid of the darkness. When my mother turn off the lights every night, I wake up and turn on the lights, I have always turned on the lights and turn off the lights and I fought with my  mother several times before I gradually fell asleep.

When I studied at Junior college first year, there was a path from the train station to the college, and I walked and sing. When I saw the dark shadows of the trees because of the wind and then they had shaken, I shouted for help, or sometimes, I ran fastly until I left the path and turned into the main road, where there are street lights, after that I began to breathe. That time, there was a movie named "stop breathing", when people ran into zombies, the person should immediately stop breathing, zombies did not   smell of people and they jumped away.

Childhood had often experience: a ghost pressure, it made me, “I can not shout, can not get up, just waiting until the ghosts have automatically gone.”  When I have had the ghost pressure each time, I will recite the names of all the gods in Buddhism, the result was that did not help. In Junior College I went to church in the second semester of second grade, when I had a ghost pressure, I would start with the thought of prayer, and said; "the blood of Jesus has covered me, you (a ghost) do not have any power...." As soon as I was free, I got up and sat on the bed, and then I kept to thank you to Jesus, shortly after I laid back to sleep as being half asleep when the ghost was back to pressure me, I was very blunt with the thought of prayer; "Jesus is here, if you do not leave, you must be finished." The freedom came soon and I   realized that Satan is under the authority of Jesus.

 

     When I believe the Lord more, I have more confidence, but also the less afraid of the darkness, and I am not fear of death, I have known Jesus is in charge of my past, present and future, and He rules in my heart more.